I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
