If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
