Cold hands, warm shart.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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