I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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