Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
