Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
