This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
