She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
