He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
