I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
