i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
