I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
