i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
