his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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