well you can't waste a boner
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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