its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What a dumb baby whore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my poor anus
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
