Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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