I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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