Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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