I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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