You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
