I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Two words: blizzard sex
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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