my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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