Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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