why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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