Apparently you make a good broom.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
