dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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