If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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