Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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