woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
