Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
