Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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