i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
