this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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