If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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