be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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