just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
