omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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