Im at strip club and am horny
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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