Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
