One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
