3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
