I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
