Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
