Umm I'm too high to move.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
