So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This house was built for laser tag.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
