i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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