You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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