I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
