Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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