My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
