i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
