I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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