if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
