I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
