just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
